you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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