i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
