I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
