I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
