I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
