we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
