when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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