He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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