i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
