im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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