i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
