literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
