Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
