Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
