I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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