I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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