Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
