Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
