i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
