He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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