Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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