Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
