you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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