I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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