Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
