dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize