He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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