Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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