After last night, I could never be a politician.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i came on her dog
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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