He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
