you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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