Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
