its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
