Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I still have a little drunk in my system
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
