i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
