I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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