the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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