So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did i walk over a car last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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