Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
