so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
