girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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