Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
