The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
