i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize