Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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