On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
