were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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