who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
