It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
