Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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