It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
