So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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