His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
