He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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