Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
