she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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