Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
