Where did you get a picture of my penis
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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