I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
