I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
