Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
