oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
