thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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