Please, let me fuck your mom
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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