saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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