I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
