dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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