he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
