Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother