i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
