the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
