It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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