Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
