Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
