You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
