Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
