hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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