Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
