so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
