This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
