After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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